I have just this minute finished reading Lily Pebbles’ new
book ‘The F Word’ (link at the bottom of the post) and I couldn’t wait to write
about it. It is a great feeling to read a book and feel that it has truly
opened my eyes and helped me better understand the friends in my life as well
as my own approach to my relationships with them. This book not only normalises
experiences with female friends, but also celebrates our differences and is
filled with advice and funny stories along the way.
Lily sets out the aim of her book early on by stating; ‘when
you read this book I want the stories and observations to make you appreciative
of your friendships no matter how complicated they are’. I can honestly say
that ‘The F Word’ has done this for me, and I feel as though the way I will
approach new friendships and maintain my current ones will be much improved
after reading this book. As I was reading, I made sure to jot down any pieces
of useful advice I loved from Lily and I found myself constantly referring back
to my notebook to write down more, as on almost every page there was a pocket
of advice I wanted to hold onto and not forget.
Throughout the book, in a very ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’ - like fashion, Lily puts forward different types of
female friends most of us have once had, currently have or will have at some
point in our lives. From ‘the one you’ve known forever’ to ‘the one who keeps
you sane’, Lily offers advice of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ when it comes to each type
of friend. I found this really useful in both understanding how to deal with different
friends in my life, and also in realising that different types of friendships
exist – and that is okay.
Throughout the chapter ‘How to be a Good Friend 101’, I learnt
a lot about looking to myself to improve friendships, rather than immediately looking
to what others are doing wrong. Like many, Lily discovered from her Mother the
essentials of being a good friend, who taught her ‘to have patience, to be
caring and to try be more of a selfless friend’. It was lovely to hear the basis of how Lily
formed friendships growing up, because I think this allows us to understand her
more and it made clear that from an early age, she was keen to form positive
friendships.
Another of my favourite chapters was ‘Generational Friendships’,
where Lily spoke to both her 5-year-old niece and 87-year-old Grandma. This
gave a real insight into how our friendships change over the years and through life
experiences. Whilst at 5 we may be more interested in having one ‘best friend’,
later in life we realise that we go to different friends for different things. It
was lovely to hear Lily’s Grandma’s point of view and her advice about learning
to accept your friend’s flaws, because it is only fair to accept that everyone has
flaws and that doesn’t mean they are necessarily bad people or bad friends; in fact, it can mean quite the opposite.
Further on in the book, Lily offered another great piece of
advice that I immediately jotted down in my notebook. She said; ‘knowing what
makes you feel good is key to knowing who makes you feel good’. I had never
thought about this before but essentially having an idea in your head of what
you want from a friendship and what aspect of them make you feel good, can give
you a head start when meeting new people, in knowing whether you feel they are
the kind of person you want to become good friends with. We can also look to
ourselves and ask if we like who we are when we are around that individual.
What I also loved about this book (there is so much I love), is
that Lily recognised modern friendships and how the world of social media now
moulds the friendships we have. Lily’s experience in using an online friend app
had me in fits of laughter. Again, how honest she is with her experiences
throughout is what makes this book so personal, and her sharing funny stories
is another way of normalising the new and confusing modern world of female
friendships. What I did find thought-provoking was her acknowledgement of how ‘blackout
dinners’ are very beneficial, but also how funny it is that it has somehow
become difficult to stay off our phones when before anyone had them, it was completely
normal to have fun without tweeting about it or putting it on snapchat. It made
me realise that I want to meet up with friends more when social media isn’t an
element of the day.
I would recommend this book to all females out there, of all
ages. I feel as though I have learnt so much and Lily’s honesty and funny anecdotes
throughout make it feel as if you are literally speaking to a friend. Lily concludes
the book by stating ‘I hope it’s made you appreciate the beauty and complexity
of the bonds you hold with the women around you’ and makes clear that the key
to a good friendship is ‘adapting, being flexible and putting in the work’. I can
safely say that I have a better appreciation for my female friends and reading
this book will help me personally with my approach to them; in both what I am
going to put in and what I need to get out of female friendships.
Thank you, Lily, for opening my eyes to the real world of
female friendships and making me see that my experiences are normal and even if
bad, ultimately can be positive by my ability to learn from them. I absolutely love this book and it is for sure going
to hold its place on any coffee table or bedside stand I have in the future . I will
for sure refer back to this book at many times in my life and for that reason I
would encourage that all women grab a cup of tea, sit down with a notebook
and read ‘The F Word’ by Lily Pebbles.
All Links to ‘The F Word’ by Lily Pebbles:
- WHSmith: https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/the-f-word-signed-edition/9781473685932
- Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Word-personal-exploration-modern-friendship/dp/1473680166
- Waterstones: https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-f-word/lily-pebbles/9781473680166
- Booktopia for AUSTRALIA: https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-f-word-lily-pebbles/prod9781473680173.html
- Booktopia for NEW ZEALAND: https://www.mightyape.co.nz/product/the-f-word-paperback/27456286
- Watch Lily’s announcement video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUnSnJ9yBnY
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